lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize