YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
