Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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