okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
