I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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