WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
