Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize