Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
