just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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