apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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