i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
