why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
