she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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