I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
