Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
