I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
