I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
