I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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