ugly people sure do ruin things
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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