do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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