I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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