Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
