How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
