never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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