"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
BRING THE BAGELS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
