Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
