Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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