I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I only lived at night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it penis luge time yet?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
