Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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