So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
