he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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