My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
