you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize