He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
