I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
