ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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