I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
