we have pet lesbian snakes
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
