I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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