Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
