can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
