i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
