We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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