dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
