Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
