The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
