Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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