Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
