1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
