apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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