Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
