so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
