So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
