My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
