I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize