im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
