Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
