I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my poor anus
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
