You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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