shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize