I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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