Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
