what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
