He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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