I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
