Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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