So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
