girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
