dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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