Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
