Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Enjoy the penises
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
