She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
