'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize