The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
try to milk me bitch
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