The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize