My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
