Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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