I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
