i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
