My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize