i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize