my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
