you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
