By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
