dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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