did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize