I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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