I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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