honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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