Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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