yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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