i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
