Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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