So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
