Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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