Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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