my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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