I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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