turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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