I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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