Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
