Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I looked at my own cervix.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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